After Peter Sellers left due to multiple heart attacks, filming of 'Kiss Me, Stupid' was a cakewalk for Billy Wilder. Visiting the set are 'Some Like It Hot' stars Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon. |
Billy
Wilder is one of my favorite filmmakers, who has directed some of my all-time
favorite movies: Sunset Boulevard, Sabrina, Some Like It Hot, and The
Apartment. Wilder’s adult, smart, uncompromising, yet witty storytelling
paved the way for modern moviemakers. Imagine my surprise when I finally
watched the director-screenwriter’s sex comedy Kiss Me, Stupid, starring Dean Martin, Kim Novak, and Ray Walston.
Kiss Me, Stupid
was a notorious 1964 flop that in retrospect was the kiss-off to Billy Wilder’s
career as Hollywood’s hottest comedic director. Like Hitchcock’s Marnie that same year, or Joseph
Mankiewicz’ Cleopatra the year prior,
or George Stevens’ The Greatest Story
Ever Told in ‘65, Billy Wilder joined this elite club with Kiss Me, Stupid. They were all
long-time, big-name directors whose stellar reputations were never the same
because of one film.
Dean Martin as 'Dino' and Cliff Osmond as Barney, gas jockey & songwriter! |
After
a string of hits, right up through Some
Like It Hot, The Apartment, and Irma LaDouce, Wilder was renowned for sexy
comedies with stinging social satire, wit, and intelligence. These qualities
vanished with his next project, Kiss Me,
Stupid. The premise is about Orville Spooner and Barney—two would-be
songwriters struggling in Climax, Nevada—everybody and every place in this movie
have a cartoon name. When Dino, a lecherous and drunken crooner played
by—surprise!—Dean Martin, is stranded en route from Vegas, the dim duo envision
stardom.
Ray Walston, Dean Martin, and Kim Novak on a three-way love seat. |
Dino
doesn’t want to hear their pitch, and complains of needing “action” every day—to
prevent headaches. Pervy Barney prevails on Orville to pimp his wife, Zelda,
out in exchange for the crooner’s pop music consideration. Did I mention
Orville is so jealous of his wife, he comes off like a comedic Othello? Married
man Orville balks, so Barney prevails on a local cocktail waitress/hooker, Polly
the Pistol, to pose as Orville’s wife and do the dirty deed. After provoking a
fight with the little woman to get her out of the house—on their anniversary—the
wife decides to celebrate solo at The Belly Button, the sleazy bar where Polly
plies her trade. The married man, with the floozy’s help, wines and dines the
crooner. All goes awry when the jealous Orville gets possessive over the
spurious spouse and kicks Dino out. The hubby and the whore spend the night together
in mock marital bliss.
The songwriter hubby and the "wife"/whore enjoy some faux-marital bliss. |
The
crooner ends up at The Belly Button, where Zelda has been drowning her sorrows.
The wife is now passed out in Polly’s trailer next door. Guess who pays her a
visit, thinking she’s the local whore? Dino listens to Zelda’s pillow talk,
praising her hubby’s tunes. She in turn puts out for the crooner. Zelda passes on
Dino’s payment to Polly, so she can move on, post-Climax. Orville and Zelda are
reunited, Dino sings his song, and Spooner’s jealousy is finally over. Zelda
gets the last word, the movie’s title. Everyone say awww.
And the real wife gets to play whore for a night with celebrity customer Dino! |
Awww
as in awful, that is. Typically, I go light on film plot recaps, but it’s one
of this movie’s major flaws. The storyline of Kiss Me, Stupid is so one-dimensionally sleazy that it’s like 126
minutes of Playboy cartoons strung
together. Billy Wilder frequently walked the tightrope of taste with risqué
plot points in The Seven Year Itch, Some Like It Hot, and The Apartment. What elevated these
classics were smart dialogue, empathetic characters, and appealing performances
by their stars. Kiss Me, Stupid has
none of these qualities. What’s really amazing for a Wilder movie is there’s not
a single memorable line of dialogue, just a string of low-brow one-liners.
Dino as a most disruptive dinner guest. Kim as the "wife" doesn't seem to mind. |
I
will give Billy Wilder this: the opening and closing scenes of Kiss Me, Stupid show off his
storytelling style admirably. And Wilder and his long-time screenwriter, I.A.L.
Diamond, tell the story with great clarity—everything is nimbly wrapped up by Stupid’s final scene. Too bad the story
and dialogue in between are so low-brow. There are stretches in Kiss Me, Stupid that are endless, the
worst is when Orville and his “wife” are entertaining Dino.
Felicia Farr as the patient wife, Ray Walston as the insanely jealous husband. |
This
film was blasted by critics, censors, and the Catholic Church when it was released
during the Christmas holidays, 1964. After the plot described above, is it any
wonder? The Hollywood era was near the end of compromising with censors. Still,
during the first half of the ‘60s, mainstream movies came on as provocative,
but often ended up pussy-footing around. Wilder deserves credit for not being a
tease, I suppose. While the targets of the director’s derision are admirable—moral
hypocrisy, greed, and celebrity worship—the humor is about on par with a crass
celebrity roast. The intelligent wit of Wilder is woefully lacking. The other
big liability is the stars of Stupid.
Wilder always worked with stars of great comedic flair and charisma—Shirley
MacLaine, Audrey Hepburn, Walter Matthau, etc. In a film that desperately needs
Wilder favorites Jack Lemmon and Marilyn Monroe as the jealous married man and
the hooker with the heart of gold, we get Ray Walston and Kim Novak. Walston as
Orville Spooner is grating, performed by a one-note Hollywood ham who fared
better as a sitcom Martian. At 50, Walston was neither attractive nor appealing
enough to believably attract gorgeous Felicia Farr or Kim Novak. But hey, we
still have sitcoms starring homely comedians and their hot wives! Jack Lemmon
was not available for this lemon, so Peter
Sellers was originally cast as Orville, but suffered a series of heart attacks
and dropped out.
Kim Novak as Polly the Pistol, who works at bar called The Belly Button, in a town named Climax. Hilarious, right? |
Marilyn
Monroe was the original choice for Polly the Pistol, but famously expired
before pre-production. So Kim Novak made her first film in two years as Polly. In
her heyday, Novak was routinely panned as the most plastic kind of
studio-manufactured star. In recent years, some film historians/writers now see
nuances in Novak’s performances. To me, Kim certainly possessed vulnerability, which,
when cast in complementary roles like Vertigo,
was very effective. Yet Kim Novak’s limited range and lack of genuine charisma only
makes me appreciate how Marilyn Monroe made sexy comedies seem effortless. Novak’s
New Jersey accent makes her unfunny punch lines seem even flatter. And who
thought it would be hilarious to have Novak play Polly as suffering from a
stuffed up head cold? Kim sounds like a female Tony Curtis here.
Director Billy Wilder and star Dean Martin were a mutual admiration society. |
Dean
Martin, the most likeable of performers, gets to play Dino, the evil twin
version of his persona. Martin’s brutal self-parody seems more foolhardy than
brave, and only solidified his increasingly rancid Rat Pack image. Billy Wilder
raved about Dean Martin’s untapped talent…but cast him as a dirty joke version
of himself?
The
great supporting cast is wasted as sitcom stereotypes. The worst is Cliff
Osmond as Barney, the songwriting pal who concocts the whole sleazy scheme.
Osmond is not just over the top, but totally repellent, looking and acting like
Charles Laughton in slobbering villain mode. Osmond and Walston, as the
untalented songwriters, are so frenetically unfunny together that I kept
wishing somebody would magically give them the Bugs Bunny cartoon-style hook.
Felicia Farr is a lone bright spot as the sexy, sensible wife in 'Kiss Me, Stupid.' |
The
sole saving grace of Kiss Me, Stupid
is Felicia Farr as Zelda Spooner, the Orville’s wife. Farr is lovely, sexy, smart,
fun, and real—everything this film is not. The charming actress must have
decided that starring as Jack Lemmon’s wife in real life was better than appearing
in movies like this, because she acted only occasionally thereafter.
There’s
a wave of current day film theory that defends Wilder as breaking barriers with
his unvarnished, tough take on middle-class morals in Kiss Me, Stupid. Unfortunately, Billy Wilder presented the material
in such a puerile, obvious manner that it comes across as trying to have your
cake and eat it, too. And over 50 years later, Kiss Me, Stupid is still one stale slice of comedy.
We don't blame you for hiding, Felicia! |
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI discovered Kiss Me Stupid on an old "off TV recorded" VHS tape decades ago and was mesmerized by it. I too loved billy wilder films and tried to find some redeeming qualities it KMS.
ReplyDeleteI did not want to believe that Zelda "put out" for Dino and hoped Wilder had just left that for the audience to forever wonder. The original ending however appears to say she did.
I think Wilder had a moral message in the film, that there is good in everyone, including Polly. Orville turned to protecting her from Dino eventually which was less jealousy and more taking a higher road. The Catholic Church may have missed that. Polly did move on to hopefully greener pastures as a result of the antics of Orville and Barney.
Zelda on the other hand was deep into a confusing and traumatic situation when confronted with here handsome idol. Maybe she slipped, but let's give here a pass here. The flaw in the film for me is the abrupt switch from comedy to darkness halfway through. I have screened the film for friends at home in a restored widescreen which begins gloriously. It is embarrassing to me when the laughter suddenly stops as the film is no longer funny when Orville makes Zelda leave.
I also think the art of filmmaking is overlooked too. The sets and backdrop are all smoke and mirrors. Lighting and shadows are pure classic Hollywood. Props are position to be noticed in the background. The location has a Mayberry feel to it only more desolate. As much as I like B&W photography, Wilder showed his age by using it here. It may have not come off so sinister otherwise.
Rich VandeWater Utica NY
You make some great point! I never understood the harsh B&W for a comedy, which I don't think was Wilder's intention, just him preferring B&W. Like I wrote, the premise was promising, but quickly degenerates. Aside from the increasingly tacky tale, I think the two big duds in the movie are Walston and Novak. Lemmon and Monroe would have stood a better chance of putting this story over. Interesting on the implications of the two differing endings!
DeleteCheers and thanks for commenting! Rick
I remember Zelda saying that "Saturday, September 30" was the Spooners fifth wedding anniversary. This Saturday is the first time September 30 has fallen on Saturday since 2006. It is a special day for Kiss Me, Stupid fans if my memory serves me correctly.
Delete